I’m tired, kind of down. I went to a movie and freaked out, heart pounding, struggling to breathe. I calmed myself down, but that sort of thing hasn’t happened since… pre-2005.
I’m uneasy.1 comment
So, I’m still working on quality posts. I have something longer perking, but I’m not sure it’s worth finishing anymore. I don’t know.
I’m feeling down, and uneasy. I wish someone was next to me, I miss feeling her next to me. I miss her eyes, her voice… I miss talking in the dark… I miss… Fuck it. If wishes were fishes, something something… Kitties!1 comment
So, I have nothing to post today. Not a thing. Nothing.
I’m just… down. My trach’s really bothering me, I’m feeling really uneasy melancholy.
Lonely. I feel very alone just now.3 comments
I don’t have anything particularly interesting to write. I got new glasses, aside from my fucked up eye, I think the glasses are kind of fetching.
My head’s somewhere else, I have like, five posts started and unfinished, one pushing a thousand words. I just can’t finish any of them. Can’t, won’t, don’t feel like it, something along one of those limes.
Maybe I’ll post my last three tattoos later. Maybe. Eventually. Of course.No comments
So, I’m flying to Cincinnati in a few hours, like, seven hours from right now. Their going to re-measure my trach because it’s still not right, but that’s not even the main reason I’m going. They asked me to come back because the doctors at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital had never seen anyone with SMA Type 1 at the age of thirty, they didn’t even believe the diagnosis. I couldn’t have SMA Type 1, it had to be Type 2, or 3, or maybe something else altogether. People with SMA Type 1, they don’t go twenty-seven years without being trached, if they see twenty-seven at all. Well, even though I don’t fit the diagnosis, at all, fancy genetic tests proved that I definitely have SMA Type 1. Maybe I’m some sort of SMA Missing Link, I don’t know. They’re going to run a bunch of tests and study me.
I just feel really weird, for lots of reasons I’m more uneasy than the last time I went to Cincinnati. I’m thirty, I shouldn’t be, but I am. I don’t know, I can’t articulate it just now, but I feel like such a failure.7 comments