My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Sep 23

Tattoo #80

Tattoo by Kyle, Doc Dog's Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor

Tattoo by Kyle, Doc Dog’s Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor

So, this tattoo, number eighty, is a lyric from, and the title of one of my favorite Aimee Mann songs, Fighting the Stall, which is off her fourth studio record, Lost in Space. Though, it’s only found on the Special Edition disc.

One of my fears is being stuck, being worn away by circumstance and time until there’s nothing left of me. I’m scared I won’t be where I want to be before I quit breathing. Right now, that place is so far away I can’t even see it. When life takes its bad turns, it’s a fight not to get stuck, to stay stuck, to just stall out. Hence the tattoo, a note to myself that I’m fighting, and that I need to keep fighting to have the life I want.

A line from the song goes…

“…I’ll go down in flames just for the Hell of it all, ’cause I couldn’t take standing in place waiting to fall…”

That line has affected me since the first time I heard it, it’s how I try to live. I’d rather die because my vent failed while I’m on some adventure with a woman I love, than face the slow death that happens by inches over years just sitting “safely” at home. Death, the fall, is guaranteed, it’s the only guarantee time deigns to give us. I’d rather meet it on my terms than just wait for it. That’s the essence of the song, I think; make for the sky, fly high, fly hard, and no matter what, don’t stall out. Don’t die standing still.

To me, tattoos aren’t frivolous. Tattoos are permanent, even if removed your skin is never the same. I like that, I want that permanent reminder of a statement or thought or prayer. I get words or images etched into my skin that will always be important to me. It’s just a gut feeling, but certain things you simply know. know fighting the stall is a fight that won’t ever end for me.

I’m stalled out now, but I’m fighting. I need to fight harder.

2 comments

2 Comments so far

  1. Eve September 25th, 2015 12:43 am

    You put it so eloquently. I love how you weave words into such a tangiable image. What you wrote moved me just now. Guess im going to have to listen to that song too. Thank you for sharing. When my health isnt good, i sometimes tend too put everything on pause , as if that would buy me more time. But you’re right; it doesnt really do justice to the beauty of being alive even if times are hard. I wish you plenty of adventures and hope to read of some of them here on ur blog. Thnx 4 reminding never to stall, love , eve

  2. Ed Pohl September 25th, 2015 3:25 pm

    Michael, thanks for this post. It’s a good example of why I love your blog. Your sentiments and your attitude often inspire me. And you’re right: we all need to be reminded to push ourselves to do more and be more, to give as much of ourselves as we can, and get as much as we can out of life.

    The lyrics you quoted reminded me of a poem I always liked — here’s a link to it: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173029

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