My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Sep 19

Thinking

Category: Life

I’ve been having a rough week. As I’ve said, not being able to leave my room wears on me. I can, but only when my brother can take me, and only the dates/times he can go, and sometimes he’s only available a certain length of time. He has a job, a wife, it’s not his fault.

All the isolation, loneliness, anxiety, it’s all come back. It’s been two years without the independence Tivoli first gave me, I’m just really frustrated. Sad. Bored. Nervous. Lonely. I’m not complaining, I’m just trying to explain why I get so down, why I can’t write. Someone wanted me to write my day, but there’s nothing to write. I watch fucking Dr. Phil. I can’t stop thinking about how everything WAS, how I miss people who are gone.

5 comments

5 Comments so far

  1. Mary September 19th, 2013 5:02 pm

    Does your mom take you out? I read an article how a lawyer is fighting Florida-kids with special needs, are ending up in nursing homes. It blows my mind. How the State has cut home health-care aide. It’s awful. I’m sorry.

  2. michael September 19th, 2013 5:49 pm

    Mary: My mom’s 60+, I have a lot of stuff, it’s really hard for her. Also, that goes back to, independence isn’t going to meet a pretty girl at a bar… with your mom.

    You’re right, the state’s goal is to get us back into institutional settings. Since I’m on a vent, I’d go to a hospital. If my ex-step dad wasn’t good enough to help pay the bills, I’d be LIVING at Tampa General RIGHT NOW. They cut my budget by almost 70%. When I asked about my right to community involvement, my case manager replied, “Your brother can help you have a nice afternoon out on your porch.” I have that in writing.

  3. maria X (Mrs. Xenick in your school life) September 20th, 2013 3:58 pm

    oh no, it all turned south when you mentioned Dr. Phil!! Actually, Michael, it is your blog. If you feel like complaining, you can. I think better to get it out, even in this forum, than to keep it in.
    Hope your weekend has something to brighten your mood :)
    MPX

  4. Mary September 21st, 2013 7:22 pm

    I have to admit, I cracked up when you said you weren’t going to meet a pretty girl at the bar with your mom. I kinda forgot about that, and you’re right. I also doubt your mom wants to be in bar every week.
    I wish I kept that article. I live over in Daytona-News Journal newspaper wrote it a few days ago. It said the state moves these kids and adults sometimes hundreds of miles away-so the kids are isolated sitting in nursing homes away from family. Who wants to be a kid or even an adult in a nursing home, and who wants kids around when your elderly?
    So one more question, do you support Obamacare? if it’s terrible now, how can it improve? I notice any “State facility” is normally run-down or barely any workers (just a hot mess). It has me worried about this healthcare. I am looking to get my own and avoid it.

  5. michael September 22nd, 2013 12:09 pm

    Mary: There’s a lot of unnecessary fear about Obamacare. Republicans, especially the Tea Party, paint it as THE WORST THING SINCE THE HOLOCAUST, like President Obama himself will dictate who lives… and WHO DIES! In reality, if you currently HAVE health insurance, or can afford health insurance from the open-market, great. Your life will be no different than before Obamacare. I have advanced health care issues, I have some of the top doctors in FL, and unlike the right advertises, I’m not going to have my doctors replaced by SHAMEN. Nothing is going to change for me. However, my mom will be insured for the first time in 20 years, she’ll be able to afford it, and can’t be denied because of her Chronic Fatigue. It’s a good law, that’ll have the kinks worked out as it goes, like any law.

    I think it’s disgusting that the House votes almost EVERY DAY to repeal Obamacare, rather than focusing on jobs, the economy, ANYTHING OTHER THAN repealing Obamacare.

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