My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

Yesterday… all my troubles seemed so in my face, now it looks as though they’re… still? in my? face?

No, I’m not The Beatles, I definitely can’t write songs. I’m kind of embarrassed that I even wrote it, but if I delete it, this sentence becomes nonsense, so then I delete it too. At which point we’re back to a blank page, and I hate a blank page.

Yesterday, the state came by for some kind of inspection/evaluation/thing, and it was just upsetting. They compliment you on your “immaculate room,” then I say, I don’t get to leave it much because I’ve had to choose between rent and my assistants because my budget was so slashed. Then they suggest I leave my “immaculate room” and move into “subsidized housing.” I’m not in a rich neighborhood by any means, all my furniture is second-hand restored, all the fancy technology I have is from work I’ve done, or given as gifts, but yes, my surroundings are nice. My neighborhood is nice and safe, I’m 3 minutes from the fire-station, 10 minutes from my hospital, my room’s lights, tv, necessary alarms are controlled via my computer, I live here for a reason. Safety.

So, on the one hand, this nurse literally takes off my pants (and underthings) to check for bed-sores, this supervisor is asking questions about my care, saying how spectacular my set up is, but if I want my assistants back, I have to trade my totally safe, well-crafted environment to go live in government housing. They’re paying $600-ish a week for an ambulance service just to drive me to doctor appointments, while refusing the $180 a week I’m asking to have my assistants back, and keep my nice, safe house, and to allow the ditching of the ambulance service. To further illustrate the insanity, if my family said, “You know, this is just too hard, we can’t take care of Michael anymore,” the state would warehouse me in a hospital for $10,000 PER WEEK until I die.

As I’ve said, cutting my budget isn’t about saving anybody any money, it’s about shifting triple the money, and then some, toward the medical industry. The state is TRYING to make it so my family can’t support my independence, they’re trying to make me dependent on medical services.

Or maybe they just want to take off my pants to check out my deal.