In about six hours, I go for yet another fresh trache. I’ve written something like this for most of my trache changes, not including the emergency ones, so I feel weird not writing it.
It’s funny, I used to be terrified of them, but now I actually kind of like my five week visit to the O.R. Everybody’s quite nice, I really like my doctors, we’re pretty close by now. Before the procedure, there’s usually a solid two hour wait, but it’s not an awful sort. I always have my iPod. I close my eyes and listen to music, try to get lost with Elliott Smith, Aimee Mann, Nirvana. Usually, I think about things I want to write later. I think about a few people who really mean something to me, a few people I love, a few people gone and missed terribly. I get nice drugs to fall asleep before the little tube is yanked out of my throat, and replaced. I get nice drugs when I wake up, unless something absolutely ridiculous happens and I don’t wake up.
I’m never particularly scared before trache changes anymore, there are other things that scare me far more. If I die tomorrow, I’ll go out high on the ferris wheel, listening to great music. There are worse ways to meet The End.4 comments
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