I’ll be 28 in eleven days, and I’ve never looked forward to my birthday less. Fact is, I wrecked everything I ever wanted. I don’t know if I have it in me to fix it.
Rationally, I know that I shouldn’t give up and what-not, it’s all a choice and so on. I’m aware of all that, but I just don’t feel the little spark in me. I wish I did, but I don’t. People break, sometimes there are no more fixes. I’m really tired, I get tired of building and re-building. I’ve lost so much so fast, I just don’t know how to cope anymore.
Fuck, there’s so much, it’s not just Sara. Lately, it’s even difficult to type. I let them dig around in my left arm for an I.V. and now half of my hand is numb. If that hand goes, I’m absolutely and astonishingly fucked. That really weighs on me. Having Sara just made things feel easier, I didn’t feel alone.
I’m ridiculous and awful for feeling like this, I know. Still, here I am. I feel like a failure.
By the way, if anyone comments with inspirational quotes and what-not, a basket of kittens will drown.11 comments
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