My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Apr 1

Somebody that you used to know

Category: Creative Flash

You’re sitting in a bar drinking a vodka tonic. It’s goth Christmas all year-round, little colored Christmas lights with little lit-up skulls hang from the ceiling above your back-corner table. Otherwise, the place is dimly lit, smokey from so many cigarettes, awash in loud music. None of it unpleasant.

Silence from the jukebox, then an acoustic guitar, a wispy melancholy voice. Elliott Smith sings about somebody that he used to know, you think about somebody that you used to know. You wish that the song were true, that the person bouncing around in your head didn’t matter. Of course, they do matter, they always matter, and it kills you by inches every day. The vodka helps you forget, but not enough, never enough. You take a sip, it burns going down, a burn that’s somehow soothing. Pain makes you think of pleasure, makes you think of pulled hair during sex, makes you think of loss.

There’s a ghost in your head killing you by inches, and you wish you would just die.

4 comments

4 Comments so far

  1. Eric Rosenfield April 1st, 2009 9:07 am

    Pretty good man. Maybe something more fanciful instead of “just die”? Like “just keel over”? “just suck a bullet”?

  2. Will April 1st, 2009 4:38 pm

    …..

    …huh.

    (to self)

    ..you may just feel like this till you, get, yourself, another One. Yes, another Woman.

    Another, One, to be feeling expectant and start-over/do-over naive innocent Again, with someone else, New.

    Amazing how longer you wait, more the first one you really open yourself up to Meeting, well, the Better.

    And how Quickly that Ghost just doesn’t show up again when you’re falling in love with not, just, “someone new”, no, but, yeah…

    …a New, Person, to share your time and considerations on, vs. this Ghost of Just Yesterday bleeding me out for hell has it been years?…thing…uuuuccckkk. I hate when i do that.

    Mike you moved so FAST with finding a launch first time assistant, why can’t you do online dating?
    You Can, no question.
    Can we get you going on that?
    You’re just looking to forget about yourself, and make a nice lady feel special, take someone out on a date.

    Some of the acquaintances in your pics look so sweet and beautiful and like to go out with you, why wouldn’t any number of other smoking hot hotty for you’s?

    THEN, you can have the SAME Grit, good times Dark, vibe, about things and your tastes, but it will not have to kill you more it gets old (the remembering Her)…

    I’ve got me and another to say that from, direct, recent experience.

    I also like to hear you spaz out when you’re jazzed.

    As I think do many others.

    April Fools, vs., April’s Fool, I thought to myself today.

    I thought of all the ways I could have been a fool in the upcoming month, then I thought, I’d rather make a fool of myself chasing the new woman in my life and fail with her, then be a fool thinking and longing and sad about the Last woman in my life.

    That’s working out for me. I’d like you to try it, try it on, see if it fits…

    uuuck, don’t worry, i make myself sick with this chit, i know how you feel, it’s a compulsion dude, I can’t help it.

    Here, Ram some Great Sap besides Smith down your earhole: Some sad Great lady songs about FIRST MEETING someone, vs. this Long Lost Longing you Thing…Heartache coming her way vs. behind her eating up her mind , night, and day…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFgYOk5OL7U

    http://www.oliviabroadfield.com

  3. noc April 1st, 2009 10:46 pm

    This connects with me.

    Thank you.

  4. michael April 2nd, 2009 5:43 am

    Eric: I like the simple impact of “just die.”

    Will: I appreciate your comments, I’ve tried much of what you suggest. Stuff just isn’t working lately.

    noc: Thanks.

Leave your thoughts

%d bloggers like this: