My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…
Archive for September 9th, 2013

Maybe not

September 09th, 2013 | Category: Life

Maybe my previous post isn’t really part of something longer. I mean, I’m just tired. I wish trach tubes were more advanced, but as I think about it, they are pretty advanced, it’s not simply a bic pen shoved into my neck. The tubes are bacteria resistant, custom measured, they’re not primitive. The real issues are that my trachea is shaped funny, and, plainly, the human body doesn’t like foreign objects shoved into it. My throat doesn’t know this tube’s keeping me alive, it’s just some invader that apparently can’t be swallowed, so it obviously needs coughed out at all costs. Basically, my throat’s an idiot.

It’s kind of interesting to think about how hard-wired the human body is, it’s designed to work and protect itself. My throat’s not an idiot, it’s a part of an astonishingly complex machine that wasn’t designed to work with plastic tubes in mind. When a trach tube gets removed, which generally does happen, they’re primarily a temporary airway, the hole that gets cut in one’s throat heals closed in a matter of a few hours. The body knows that under general circumstances, a hole in the throat is bad, fatal, and must be closed as quickly as possible, The human body is fascinating.

I’m just worn down, wondering how much fight I have left. The trach isn’t really my biggest problem, but it’s immediate and the easiest to explain. It makes the physical act of writing much harder, but if other things were right, the fight would be much less costly.