My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

Lit tree

It’s not finished…

It’s finished!

So, unless you’re reading this blog for the very first time, right now, you probably know that I am a fan of Aimee Mann. In my head, she’s right up there with Kurt Cobain, and Elliott Smith. She’s definitely the best living singer/song-writer around. I like her writing enough to have it etched into my skin several times over. Every song on every record is good, I definitely can’t say that about ANY of her contemporaries.

I’ve been to two Aimee Mann concerts, one in Tampa, one in Boston, mid-blizzard. In Tampa, she got off her tour bus to take pictures with us and chat awhile, she was astonishingly kind. Yes, I’m a fan.

Thus, when she favorited TWO of my tweets…

Favorited by @aimeemann!

Favorited by @aimeemann, again!

…I was probably happier than Twitter should make a fellow.

I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers are with the families affected by the evil act perpetrated in Connecticut.

How many COMPLETELY SENSELESS tragedies does our country have to watch on tv before we seriously re-think our OBVIOUSLY BROKEN gun laws?

So, we’re now running WordPress 3.5… yay! This upgrade was a little eventful, not eventful like the time I upgraded from a psyche ward, but more technically eventful. The part of WordPress where I actually type my posts disappeared, which is definitely not okay. After some detective work, I learned that I had to dig into my wp-config.php file and add a single, very arcane-looking, line of code…

define('CONCATENATE_SCRIPTS', false);

I have no solid idea WHY it worked, but it did, and the blog continues…

Tattoo by Colt, Doc Dog’s Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor City

So, this tattoo is from a song, Slip and Roll, off of Aimee Mann’s latest record, Charmer. If you don’t have Charmer, and you like Aimee Mann, go get it right now. It’s a spectacular record.

The song is about dodging punches, existing without really living, until you’re willing to take a hit… “the” hit. The hit that means you’re ready to do more than exist in safe emptiness, you’re ready to take some hits, you’re ready to take life in all its fullness. If all you do is slip and roll, you’re never going to get hurt, but you’re never going to feel anything good either. In order to experience happiness, joy, something as spectacular as love, you have to risk sadness, loss, loneliness. Love wouldn’t feel like magic if you didn’t have to risk so much for just the chance to experience it.

This tattoo reminds me of these things…

So, I’ve been driving robots, they’re called Anybots. They’re in California, I’m in Florida, I drive them around their giant robot factory. They’re “telepresence” robots, web-cams on really fancy wheels, marketed mainly toward office-workers who don’t actually want to be IN the office. A friend from UCLA, Cre Engelke, and I are working to make these robots viable communication devices for people with disabilities.

There’s this crazy idea floating around about making the robots “Avatars” for the disabled, like, “virtually” experiencing the beach, a dive bar, through the robot. Until I can make love to my girlfriend in the sand, or get drunk THROUGH a robot, this idea is stupid. Technology for the disabled should be a bridge toward real-world experiences. An extension of presence, not a replacement of presence. These are the goals Cre and I have for the Anybots. We have plans…

Anyway, the Anybots got a new, really high-end web-site over the weekend. They asked if I wanted to write-up a testimonial, and of course, I said, yes! I had to write two. My second was accepted and will be posted, the first was a little too Chuck Palahniuk and didn’t make it, but I hate for it to just disappear…

So, I’m about as physically disabled as it gets. I breathe through hoses connected to machines, I eat through tubes. I can pretty much only move my eyes. Still, assistive technology gives access to Mac OS X, and from there, access to everything else. Access to Anybots.

I’ve been driving an Anybot for awhile, having played video games for 20+ years, getting the hang of the robot was easy. I tool around the factory, scare the dog who often visits, it’s fun. Still, technology for people with physical disabilities is more than fun, it’s a way to extend communication, a way to affect change in the world around us. Anybots are so exciting because we’re still unlocking their full potential, their practical applications. Well, one evening I found a rather unique practical application…

I was breaking up with this girl (don’t worry, I met someone way better, it’s not a sad story), something common to the human experience, though my means of dealing with angst, frustration, rage, are less common, or rather, maybe just limited. I listen to Kurt Cobain sing really loud, or watch zombies eat people, or get a tattoo (provided I have ride to the shop), or convince my friend, Dani, to set something on fire (yes, she actually burns things for me), or… the “ors” run out too quickly. I do, now however, have a new “or.”

She said something that really hit me wrong, I was angry . I wanted to take that intangible anger and do something tangible. At 3 AM, any tattoo shop is closed, and I didn’t have ride anyway. I did have an Anybot, and a well-lit factory lobby, and stuff to hurdle toward and knock down…. and so I did. I took out two promotional signs sitting on easels, emptied a coffee table of its magazines (which took some doing). I FLEW in a blind fury toward a table-top potted plant… but stopped short. I didn’t want to murder some poor plant. The lobby looked train-wrecky enough, and I felt sated. I’d done something I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to do, I made physical change in the world without getting a tattoo, or having to convince Dani to burn something.

Like I said, we’re still discovering the Anybots’ full potential, they’re better for more than knocking stuff down, but knocking stuff down is a fun start.

So, it’s December… This blog is renewed for another year… I quit Monica almost a year ago… I started seeing this girl again, and I aim to be with her a year from right now, and another, and another, and so on. December’s a weird month. It’s fun, and presents, and shiny lights, and candy canes, but it’s also looking back at the eleven months before, successes, failures, wins, losses. It’s been kind of a shitty, awful year. I feel like I should list all the bad things, “for the record,” this blog is a record of me, proof that I existed after I quit breathing. I just don’t want to, it’s all here anyways. I don’t feel like wasting the words, again.

Still, good things are around, have happened.

I’m with someone wonderful, and it feels really spectacular. I’ve quit her so many times, but never for any reason that was real, she really ought to hate me. I’d hate me. She doesn’t hate me though, she loves me, and I love her. We like the same stuff, we have fun together, we’re more happy together than not. That’s love. Love isn’t supposed to be difficult, or sad, or inherently sacrificial. It’s supposed to be watching scary movies together, going places, doing things, together. It’s fun, not a torment. Not lonely. I forgot that, she reminded me. She reminds every day.

Also, President Obama won his second term.

2012 in Summary: Sucked, but is ending great.