My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Archive for June, 2009

Brown eyes, and a kiss

June 19th, 2009 | Category: Attempted Poetry,Creative Flash

She has gorgeous brown eyes, warm and alluring. The first time you saw them, her eyes smiling at you, you knew you were gone. You knew you’d do anything for those eyes.

Her inviting brown eyes say everything, one look and you know she’s brilliant, you know she’s kind, you know you want her.

You do want her, you want to know her, to know what makes her happy, what makes her sad. You can talk with her for hours, and it feels like minutes, it’s as easy as breathing, just as natural. You know her so well, yet not enough, never enough. You want her eyes to always reflect happy, you want to protect them from sad. Her brown eyes make you want to hold her close, to touch her soft skin, to gently run the tips of your fingers down her cheek, around her lips.

Her eyes lead to her smile, lead to her to her lips, lead you to a kiss. Her kiss is beautiful oblivion, makes a whisper out of so much noise. Still, it’s her seductive brown eyes that make you want that kiss, a kiss more intoxicating than any liquor, any drug.

You wonder what your eyes tell her, if they say, “I love you,” when words aren’t there.

You do love her, and you’re afraid to say. You’re afraid, but you want her to know just the same.

6 comments

Writing

June 18th, 2009 | Category: Life

I’m going to write again, really.

3 comments

Tattoo #22

June 16th, 2009 | Category: Life,Tattoos

So, I have another tattoo, my twenty-second tattoo. Usually, I’d write all about why I got it, what it means. Usually, I’d post a picture. Usually, I’m totally transparent, but not this time. I don’t think I want to share this particular tattoo with the Internets. I think it’s my most important tattoo, a tattoo about letting something go, but I don’t know if I want to say more. So, for right now, unless you regularly get to see me without a shirt, you won’t get to see this tattoo.

1 comment

New trache, yet again, yay!

June 15th, 2009 | Category: Life

In the morning, I get another fresh trache. I’m definitely not nervous, and for a change. I’m definitely not depressed. The drugs are going to hit me, and I’ll fall asleep happy.

I’ll fall asleep thinking about friends who have helped me feel like my old self again. I’ll fall asleep thinking about a woman with gorgeous brown eyes, thinking about the way she looks at me, how much I really do love her. Her, so smart, so beautiful. Her kiss, something better than any drug I’ll get in the morning.

1 comment

A Change

June 14th, 2009 | Category: Life

So, I’ve been pretty depressed for a solid year, with very few bright spots. For the last few weeks, I haven’t been able to write, or think straight, or anything. Living in my head hasn’t been a good scene. I’ve hated myself for so long, ever since Sara (the ex) left. I blamed myself entirely for losing her, and that sort of guilt felt like a rock on my chest. I quit being me, I quit moving forward. I just wanted to go back, back to when I was happy, back to waking up next to her in the morning. I felt like I would never be whole again. Fortunately, that feeling has passed.

I’ve recently had a change of thought, I honesty feel like my old self again. I don’t blame myself for what happened, I’ve let it all go. I see a good future again, I don’t feel lost and broken. I finally feel right again.

7 comments

Are You Still Mad

June 13th, 2009 | Category: Life

I was mad, but now I’m not. It’s time to move on, it feels good to let go…

I don’t think this song needs any explanation.

No comments

A little help for a friend?

June 11th, 2009 | Category: Life,Opinions

There are a few writers I really admire, they’ve made me better through their craft. They’ve not only helped make me the writer I am today, but they’ve helped me feel better about life during some times when bleeding out seemed like a really good idea. So, if any of these people need anything, ever, I’m always down to help.

Catherynne M. Valente is one of these people. She’s written some of the most hauntingly gorgeous things I’ve ever read, The Labyrinth, Apocrypha, Palimpsest, all brilliant. Unfortunately, this economy absolutely fucking sucks, and getting published doesn’t necessarily make a writer rich. Bills start piling up, cash doesn’t come in like we planned, and really bad things start happening. It’s obviously not just a writer problem, it could happen to anyone. It’s happened to me. When life sucks, I think it’s important that we help each other out. The person you look out for today could be the person who looks out for you tomorrow.

Right now, Cat Valente is having a really rough go of things, and she could really use a hand. She needs help to stay afloat in the middle of a flood, and she has a fantastic idea for doing so. Let’s not let Cat drown, she’s too awesome. If you’ve never read her, definitely pick up a few of her books. Like I said, they’re brilliant.

2 comments

WordPress 2.8

June 11th, 2009 | Category: Life

It seems like only yesterday that I was in the hospital for depression, fucked up on various awful drugs, upgrading the blog to WordPress 2.7. That was last December, now we’re running WordPress 2.8.

Time flies, doesn’t it?

2 comments

Drag Me to Hell

June 10th, 2009 | Category: Opinions

It’s probably a little late for this, but I saw Drag Me to Hell, Sam Raimi’s return to horror. It’s the tale of a woman who makes the mistake of turning down an elderly gypsy woman’s request for a mortgage extension. The gypsy woman does not take this well, she curses poor banker lady, damning her soul to Hell.

Watching the movie, I felt like I had been dragged to Hell, except Hell was really boring, and not particularly scary. It’s a movie of cheap startles, the gypsy woman jumps out a lot, there are creepy loud noises, but that’s about it. Drag Me to Hell’s story is absolutely tedious, and poorly acted. I hope that when I die and go to real Hell it’s more interesting.

5 comments

Lost

June 09th, 2009 | Category: Life,Random Thought

I found some beautiful place to get lost, a place of gorgeous forgetfulness.

So gone, if only for a little while…

No comments

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