My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…
Archive for April 1st, 2009

Transcription

April 01st, 2009 | Category: Life

So, I’ve decided that until I can effectively type again, I’m going to have my assistant, Sarah, transcribe my writing ideas by way of the alphabet whenever we’re out for the evening. For those unaware, the alphabet involves a person saying each letter of the alphabet and me signaling with my eyebrows when to stop at a particular letter. Then, each letter gets written down in a notebook.

I’ve been really hesitant to write that way because it gives me flashbacks of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, which absolutely fucking terrified me, but I have to write somehow. Creation kills depression. We wrote most of my last post last night using the alphabet, and I think it went well enough.

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Somebody that you used to know

April 01st, 2009 | Category: Creative Flash

You’re sitting in a bar drinking a vodka tonic. It’s goth Christmas all year-round, little colored Christmas lights with little lit-up skulls hang from the ceiling above your back-corner table. Otherwise, the place is dimly lit, smokey from so many cigarettes, awash in loud music. None of it unpleasant.

Silence from the jukebox, then an acoustic guitar, a wispy melancholy voice. Elliott Smith sings about somebody that he used to know, you think about somebody that you used to know. You wish that the song were true, that the person bouncing around in your head didn’t matter. Of course, they do matter, they always matter, and it kills you by inches every day. The vodka helps you forget, but not enough, never enough. You take a sip, it burns going down, a burn that’s somehow soothing. Pain makes you think of pleasure, makes you think of pulled hair during sex, makes you think of loss.

There’s a ghost in your head killing you by inches, and you wish you would just die.

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